My paint pallet

Don't be an art critic. Paint. There lies salvation. Paul Cezanne

Back in the 1980s as an art student studying illustration I discovered Cornelissens & Sons in Charing Cross Road and on entering the emporium found myself surrounded by colour. I was mesmerised.

I bought my first watercolour set for some heady price and on opening it for the first time felt as if I had released the inspiration to paint. The colours struck me, like the first time someone says you are beautiful. I can’t really explain what it felt like when I opened the pallet for the first time or do the experience justice; it was so visceral like finding the most precious gem in the world and wanting to keep it all for myself. I wanted poured over the colours with my eyes drinking in the hues with a hunger for colour in my life. 

In short, this was the most beautiful object I had ever seen and yet not. It took me back to a time in my childhood when I was given a big set of multi-coloured crayons. I couldn’t believe there were so many colours in the world, and the possibilities of making art opened up to me. But it wasn’t so much about using them as possessing them. Like the watercolour pallet the crayons represented hope and as Cezanne says, salvation. It was like finding the love of my life and I desired them, doted over them, I fell in love with the small shining jewels of colour and what was even better were the little packages they came in. Unwrapping them was like every birthday surprise I’d ever wanted. The possibilities were endless and I knew I had found the route to my creativity. I couldn’t go wrong with my watercolours and every time I used them I fell in love all over again. The colours luminesced, swam together making new colours, flowed on the paper with a magic that excited me as if they painted themselves. It was simultaneously organismic and pure, like the birth of a baby. 

The photo is of my second pallet from the same suppliers and a treat to myself when I had earned enough money through my private work as an art therapist. On receiving them I had exactly the same experience as I had originally and delighted in opening each individual little package. Before me was revealed the same intense beauty and desire. I was captured by the same powerful emotions and feelings that I owned the most precious gift in the world. The pleasure of these colours is immense for me and I wanted to share them with others in the hope they too would have the same experience as I. 

You can see they have been well used, but not by me. As my gift to my patients I have overcome my inner art critic who wants them to be taken care off and loved as I love them.

Kate Rothwell is an art psychotherapist working in private practise, the NHS and prison service.